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WindyShepherdHenderson
18-10-08, 21:29
Duration

Matches shall be played over three unequal periods: two playtimes and a lunchtime. Each of these periods shall begin shortly after the ringing of a bell, and although a bell is also rung towards the end of these periods, play may continue for up to ten minutes afterwards, depending on the nihilism or "bottle" of the participants with regard to corporal punishment met out to latecomers back to the classroom. In practice there is a sliding scale of nihilism, from those who hasten to stand in line as soon as the bell rings, known as "geeks", through those who will hang on until the time they estimate it takes the teachers to down the last of their gins and journey from the staffroom, known as "chancers", and finally to those who will hang on until a teacher actually has to physically retrieve them, known as "mentals".

This sliding scale is intended to radically alter the logistics of a match in progress, often having dramatic effects on the scoreline as the number of remaining participants drops. It is important, therefore, in picking the sides, to achieve a fair balance of geeks, chancers and mentals in order that the scoreline achieved over a sustained period of play - a lunchtime, for instance - is not totally nullified by a five-minute post-bell onslaught of five mentals against one. The scoreline to be carried over from the previous period of the match is in the trust of the last mental to leave the field of play, and may be the matter of some debate. This must be resolved in one of the approved manners (see Adjudication).

Parameters

The object is to force the ball between two large, unkempt piles of jackets, in lieu of goalposts. These piles may grow or shrink throughout the match, depending on the number of participants and the prevailing weather. As the number of players increases, so shall the piles. Each jacket added to the pile by a new addition to a side should be placed on the inside, nearest the goalkeeper, thus reducing the target area. It is also important that the sleeve of one of the jackets should jut out across the goalmouth, as it will often be claimed that the ball went "over the post" and it can henceforth be asserted that the outstretched sleeve denotes the innermost part of the pile and thus the inside of the post. The on-going reduction of the size of the goal is the responsibility of any respectable defence and should be undertaken conscientiously with resourcefulness and imagination.

In the absence of a crossbar, the upper limit of the target area is observed as being slightly above head height, although when the height at which a ball passed between the jackets is in dispute, judgement shall lie with an arbitrary adjudicator from one of the sides. He is known as the "best fighter"; his decision is final and may be enforced with physical violence if anyone wants to stretch a point.

There are no pitch markings. Instead, physical objects denote the boundaries, ranging from the most common - walls and buildings - to roads or rivers. Corners and throw-ins are redundant where bylines or touchlines are denoted by a two-storey building or a six-foot granite wall. Instead, a scrum should be instigated to decide possession. This should begin with the ball trapped between the brickwork and two opposing players, and should escalate to include as many team members as can get there before the now egg-shaped ball finally emerges, drunkenly and often with a dismembered foot and shin attached. At this point, goalkeepers should look out for the player who takes possession of the escaped ball and begins bearing down on goal, as most of those involved in the scrum will be unaware that the ball is no longer amidst their feet. The goalkeeper should also try not to be distracted by the inevitable fighting that has by this point broken out.

In games on large open spaces, the length of the pitch is obviously denoted by the jacket piles, but the width is a variable. In the absence of roads or water hazards, the width is determined by how far out the attacking winger has to meander before the pursuing defender gets fed up and lets him head back towards where the rest of the players are waiting, often as far as quarter of a mile away. It is often observed that the playing area is "not a full-size pitch". This can be invoked verbally to justify placing a wall of players eighteen inches from the ball at direct free kicks. It is the formal response to "10 yards", which the kick-taker will incant meaninglessly as he places the ball.

The Ball

There is a variety of types of ball approved for school football. I shall describe three notable examples.

1. The plastic balloon. An extremely lightweight model, used primarily in the early part of the season and seldom after that due to having burst. Identifiable by blue pentagonal panelling and the names of that year's Premier League sides printed all over it.

Advantages: low sting factor, low burst-nose probability, cheap, discourages a long-ball game.

Disadvantages: over-susceptible to influence of the wind, difficult to control, almost magnetically drawn to flat school roofs whence never to return.

2. The rough-finish Mitre. Half football, half Portuguese Man o' War. On the verge of a ban in the European Court of Human Rights, this model is not for sale to children. Used exclusively by teachers during gym classes as a kind of aversion therapy. Made from highly durable fibre-glass, stuffed with neutron star and coated with dead jellyfish.

Advantages: looks quite grown up, makes for high-scoring matches (keepers won't even attempt to catch it).

Disadvantages: scars or maims anything it touches.

3. The "Tube". Genuine leather ball, identifiable by brown all-over colouring. Was once black and white, before ravages of games on concrete, but owners can never remember when. Adored by everybody, especially keepers.

Advantages: feels good, easily controlled, makes a satisfying "whump" noise when you kick it.

Disadvantages: turns into medicine ball when wet, smells like a dead dog.

Offside

There is no offside, for two reasons: one, "it's not a full-size pitch", and two, none of the players actually know what offside is. The lack of an offside rule gives rise to a unique sub-division of strikers. These players hang around the opposing goalmouth while play carries on at the other end, awaiting a long pass forward out of defence which they can help past the keeper before running the entire length of the pitch with their arms in the air to greet utterly imaginary adulation. These are known variously as "moochers", "gloryhunters" and "goalhangers". These players display a remarkable degree of self-security, seemingly happy in their own appraisals of their achievements, and caring little for their team-mates' failure to appreciate the contribution they have made. They know that it can be for nothing other than their enviable goal tallies that they are so bitterly despised.

Adjudication

The absence of a referee means that disputes must be resolved between the opposing teams rather than decided by an arbiter. There are two accepted ways of doing this.

1. Compromise. An arrangement is devised that is found acceptable by both sides. Sway is usually given to an action that is in accordance with the spirit of competition, ensuring that the game does not turn into "a massive ruck". For example, in the event of a dispute as to whether the ball in fact crossed the line, or whether the ball has gone inside or "over" the post, the attacking side may offer the ultimatum: "Penalty or goal." It is not recorded whether any side has ever opted for the latter. It is on occasions that such arrangements or ultimata do not prove acceptable to both sides that the second adjudicatory method comes into play.

2. Fighting. Those up on their ancient Hellenic politics will understand that the concept we know as "justice" rests in these circumstances with the hand of the strong. What the winner says, goes, and what the winner says is just, for who shall dispute him? It is by such noble philosophical principles that the supreme adjudicator, or Best Fighter, is effectively elected.

WindyShepherdHenderson
18-10-08, 21:31
Team Selection

To ensure a fair and balanced contest, teams are selected democratically in a turns-about picking process, with either side beginning as a one-man selection committee and growing from there. The initial selectors are usually the recognised two Best Players of the assembled group. Their first selections will be the two recognised Best Fighters, to ensure a fair balance in the adjudication process, and to ensure that they don't have their own performances impaired throughout the match by profusely bleeding noses. They will then proceed to pick team-mates in a roughly meritocratic order, selecting on grounds of skill and tactical awareness, but not forgetting that while there is a sliding scale of players' ability, there is also a sliding scale of players' brutality and propensities towards motiveless violence. A selecting captain might baffle a talented striker by picking the less nimble Big Jazza ahead of him, and may explain, perhaps in the words of Lyndon B Johnson upon his retention of J Edgar Hoover as the head of the FBI, that he'd "rather have him inside the tent ****ing out, than outside the tent ****ing in".

Special consideration is also given during the selection process to the owner of the ball. It is tacitly acknowledged to be "his game", and he must be shown a degree of politeness for fear that he takes the huff at being picked late and withdraws his favours.

Another aspect of team selection that may confuse those only familiar with the game at senior level will be the choice of goalkeepers, who will inevitably be the last players to be picked. Unlike in the senior game, where the goalkeeper is often the tallest member of his team, in the playground, the goalkeeper is usually the smallest. Senior aficionados must appreciate that playground selectors have a different agenda and are looking for altogether different properties in a goalkeeper. These can be listed briefly as: compliance, poor fighting ability, meekness, fear and anything else that makes it easier for their team-mates to banish the geek between the sticks while they go off in search of personal glory up the other end.

Tactics

Playground football tactics are best explained in terms of team formation. Whereas senior sides tend to choose - according to circumstance - from among a number of standard options (eg 4-4-2, 4-3-3, 5-3-2), the playground side is usually more rigid in sticking to the all-purpose 1-1-17 formation. This formation is a sturdy basis for the unique style of play, ball-flow and territorial give-and-take that makes the playground game such a renowned and strategically engrossing spectacle. Just as the 5-3-2 formation is sometimes referred to in practice as "Cattenaccio", the 1-1-17 formation gives rise to a style of play that is best described as "Nomadic". All but perhaps four of the participants (see also Offside) migrate en masse from one area of the pitch to another, following the ball, and it is tactically vital that every last one of them remains within a ten-yard radius of it at all times.

Stoppages

Much stoppage time in the senior game is down to injured players requiring treatment on the field of play. The playground game flows freer having adopted the refereeing philosophy of "no postmortem, no free-kick", and play will continue around and even on top of a participant who has fallen in the course of his endeavours. However, the playground game is nonetheless subject to other interruptions, and some examples are listed below.

Ball on school roof or over school wall. The retrieval time itself is negligible in these cases. The stoppage is most prolonged by the argument to decide which player must risk life, limb or four of the belt to scale the drainpipe or negotiate the barbed wire in order to return the ball to play. Disputes usually arise between the player who actually struck the ball and any others he claims it may have struck before disappearing into forbidden territory. In the case of the Best Fighter having been adjudged responsible for such an incident, a volunteer is often required to go in his stead or the game may be abandoned, as the Best Fighter is entitled to observe that A: "Ya can't make me"; or B: "It's not my ball anyway".

Stray dog on pitch. An interruption of unpredictable duration. The dog does not have to make off with the ball, it merely has to run around barking loudly, snarling and occasionally drooling or foaming at the mouth. This will ensure a dramatic reduction in the number of playing staff as 27 of them simultaneously volunteer to go indoors and inform the teacher of the threat. The length of the interruption can sometimes be gauged by the breed of dog. A deranged Irish Setter could take ten minutes to tire itself of running in circles, for instance, while a Jack Russell may take up to fifteen minutes to corner and force out through the gates. An Alsatian means instant abandonment.

Bigger boy steal ball. A highly irritating interruption, the length of which is determined by the players' experience in dealing with this sort of thing. The intruders will seldom actually steal the ball, but will improvise their own kickabout amongst themselves, occasionally inviting the younger players to attempt to tackle them. Standing around looking bored and unimpressed usually results in a quick restart. Shows of frustration and engaging in attempts to win back the ball can prolong the stoppage indefinitely. Informing the intruders that one of the players' older brother is "Mad Darren Murphy" or some other noted local pugilist can also ensure minimum delay.

Menopausal old bag confiscates ball. More of a threat in the street or local green kickabout than within the school walls. Sad, blue-rinsed, ill-tempered, Tory-voting cat-owner transfers her anger about the array of failures that has been her life to nine-year-olds who have committed the heinous crime of letting their ball cross her privet Line of Death. Interruption (loss of ball) is predicted to last "until you learn how to play with it properly", but instruction on how to achieve this without actually having the ****** thing is not usually forwarded. Tact is required in these circumstances, even when the return of the ball seems highly unlikely, as further irritation of woman may result in the more serious stoppage: Menopausal old bag calls police.

Celebration

Goal-scorers are entitled to a maximum run of thirty yards with their hands in the air, making crowd noises and saluting imaginary packed terraces.

Congratulation by team-mates is in the measure appropriate to the importance of the goal in view of the current scoreline (for instance, making it 34-12 does not entitle the player to drop to his knees and make the sign of the cross), and the extent of the scorer's contribution. A fabulous solo dismantling of the defence or 25-yard* rocket shot will elicit applause and back-pats from the entire team and the more magnanimous of the opponents. However, a tap-in in the midst of a chaotic scramble will be heralded with the epithet "moochin' *******" from the opposing defence amidst mild acknowledgment from team-mates. Applying an unnecessary final touch when a ball is already rolling into the goal will elicit a burst nose from the original striker. Kneeling down to head the ball over the line when defence and keeper are already beaten will elicit a thoroughly deserved kicking. As a footnote, however, it should be stressed that any goal scored by the Best Fighter will be met with universal acclaim, even if it falls into any of the latter three categories.

*Actually eight yards, but calculated as relative distance because "it's not a full-size pitch".

Penalties

At senior level, each side often has one appointed penalty-taker, who will defer to a team-mate in special circumstances, such as his requiring one more for a hat-trick. The playground side has two appointed penalty-takers: the Best Player and the Best Fighter. The arrangement is simple: the Best Player takes the penalties when his side is a retrievable margin behind, and the Best Fighter at all other times. If the side is comfortably in front, the ball-owner may be invited to take a penalty.

Goalkeepers are often the subject of temporary substitutions at penalties, forced to give up their position to the Best Player or Best Fighter, who recognise the kudos attached to the heroic act of saving one of these kicks, and are incredulous if Geek Adrian is going to steal any of it.

Close Season

This is known also as the Summer Holidays, which the players usually spend dabbling briefly in other sports: tennis for a fortnight while Wimbledon is on the telly; pitch-and-putt for four days during the Open; and cricket for about an hour and a half until they discover that it really is as boring to play as it is to watch.

http://www.brookmyre.co.uk/extras/short-stories/playground-football/

-Gerard-
18-10-08, 21:38
We used to pick teams for a term, like say Halloween to Christmas, then we'd have a test game and if one team won by 3 or more goals we deemed the teams unfair and picked again. One day when we were trying out new teams and one team was 2 up with the bell for the end of lunchtime ringing.

The lad in goals for the team losing had the ball and decided he didn't like the teams, so turned around and booted it into his own net, to bring into play the 3 goal rule. Thing was, he didn't, he hit the post from 3/4 yards :D

KanyeWest
18-10-08, 21:40
We just used to get the ball out of whoever's bag and just chase after it, like 30 (or so) dirk kuyt's running around after the ball:D

StrawberryMilkshake
19-10-08, 09:40
Very good.

Laughed at that alot.

-Tintin-
19-10-08, 10:37
We had either a small 5 v 5 game or a massive, length of the yard 50 v 50 where you got 2 touches of the ball that it made sense just to sit around in defence.

NorthernCarollina
19-10-08, 10:57
In my day you'd have to fight for the pitch so just before lunch each day one person would be elected to ask to go to the toilet and if let out would stand at the bottom of the stairs with two lunchboxes waiting for someone with the ball to chuck it down at him. :D

WindyShepherdHenderson
17-4-09, 21:59
Bump for Yas :)

-Tintin-
17-4-09, 22:00
Bump for Yas :)

this thread was wasted on the invalids that frequent this place

Liverdinner
17-4-09, 22:04
Teams selected with the larger framed more talented players siding together and the weaker ones shall beb the opposition in order to help improve the geeky glasses wearers by playing vs the best. The better team must shows the other team how it is done and always have kick off/the ball kicked to them.

Only pauses to either kick away the ball of another group of footballers, or as a fight emerges over a dispute ( the big boy team wins)

50P-WSTB-Head
17-4-09, 22:09
Really Good, :D

LFC_Fan_1_2
17-4-09, 22:17
This is ******* brillinat Kriz. One more in the adjudication stakes: when a goal is in dispute having gone over the posts (either the ball would have gone in off the post, should a real, wooden goal post have existed, or gone out again), a penalty is awarded to the attacking team. The more indispute the goal, the further out the penalty.

Liverdinner
17-4-09, 22:18
This is ******* brillinat Kriz. One more in the adjudication stakes: when a goal is in dispute having gone over the posts (either the ball would have gone in off the post, should a real, wooden goal post have existed, or gone out again), a penalty is awarded to the attacking team. The more indispute the goal, the further out the penalty.

An exact science.

21psycho12
18-4-09, 15:39
that was hilarious, but how about the type of pitch u play on?

no matter what your school has, wither they have an actual pitch, a tennis court, a basketball court, an assembly hall, a gaelic football pitch, a handball alley, or just a bit of grass, or all of the above, each and everyone of these will only be used to play football :D and sometimes if yo are in the mood and got to play on some grass you might decide to play rugby with the football :D making sure to hunt down that guy you dont like when he has the ball ( or not ) to bring him down hard :D

Brego
18-4-09, 15:46
that was hilarious, but how about the type of pitch u play on?

no matter what your school has, wither they have an actual pitch, a tennis court, a basketball court, an assembly hall, a gaelic football pitch, a handball alley, or just a bit of grass, or all of the above, each and everyone of these will only be used to play football :D and sometimes if yo are in the mood and got to play on some grass you might decide to play rugby with the football :D making sure to hunt down that guy you dont like when he has the ball ( or not ) to bring him down hard :D

rugby? whats that???

21psycho12
18-4-09, 15:56
rugby? whats that???

it's a game in the school ground with no rules ;)

Simo429
18-4-09, 15:59
rugby? whats that???

its where one kid (normally quite chunky) gets ********** off picks up the ball and walks off the pitch with his bottom lip out so everyone else jumps on him

Paullfc1976
18-4-09, 16:00
You missed out "no girls allowed".

-Pace-
18-4-09, 16:21
Tactics

Playground football tactics are best explained in terms of team formation. Whereas senior sides tend to choose - according to circumstance - from among a number of standard options (eg 4-4-2, 4-3-3, 5-3-2), the playground side is usually more rigid in sticking to the all-purpose 1-1-17 formation. This formation is a sturdy basis for the unique style of play, ball-flow and territorial give-and-take that makes the playground game such a renowned and strategically engrossing spectacle. Just as the 5-3-2 formation is sometimes referred to in practice as "Cattenaccio", the 1-1-17 formation gives rise to a style of play that is best described as "Nomadic". All but perhaps four of the participants (see also Offside) migrate en masse from one area of the pitch to another, following the ball, and it is tactically vital that every last one of them remains within a ten-yard radius of it at all times.


Haha this is particularly brilliant :D

gedzredz
18-4-09, 16:37
When I was in school there could be up to 10 games playing diagonally through each other mixed with half the school yard who were doing their own thing.
Pandemonium.

weeirishred
18-4-09, 16:40
Woah woah woah... you got TWO PLAYTIMES at school? Plus lunch?? Madness.

Simo429
18-4-09, 16:41
Woah woah woah... you got TWO PLAYTIMES at school? Plus lunch?? Madness.

did you not?

we got morning break

10.30 - 11

lunch

12-1

afternoon break
2.00 - 2.30

end the day at 3.30

maybe irish people just need more schooling than us ;)

cookpassbabtridge
18-4-09, 16:44
Woah woah woah... you got TWO PLAYTIMES at school? Plus lunch?? Madness.

In juniors,yes

in seniors, i don't think i did

weeirishred
18-4-09, 16:45
did you not?

we got morning break

10.30 - 11

lunch

12-1

afternoon break
2.00 - 2.30

end the day at 3.30

maybe irish people just need more schooling than us ;)

Woah that's loads! We got 10.30-10.45 and 12.15-1 for lunch. School ended at 3. No wonder Northern Ireland's education system is the best one... :P

Simo429
18-4-09, 16:47
In juniors,yes

in seniors, i don't think i did

in senior school it was called break

although at the school im currently at its called brunch and the canteen is the restaurant and if the head finds you calling it the canteen you get a right bollocking

21psycho12
18-4-09, 16:47
did you not?

we got morning break

10.30 - 11

lunch

12-1

afternoon break
2.00 - 2.30

end the day at 3.30

maybe irish people just need more schooling than us ;)

no but i think this explains why ye are so slow. ;)

21psycho12
18-4-09, 16:48
in senior school it was called break

although at the school im currently at its called brunch and the canteen is the restaurant and if the head finds you calling it the canteen you get a right bollocking

what kind of fancy azz school r u going 2 :confused:

Simo429
18-4-09, 16:50
what kind of fancy azz school r u going 2 :confused:

the head believes it promotes a more mature environment

its actually the best school ive been at im not looking forward to leaving in three weeks

weeirishred
18-4-09, 16:51
no but i think this explains why ye are so slow. ;)

Tehehe :D

KennysKop
18-4-09, 16:51
Me and my mate were at the park the other day to enjoy a good knock around in the beating sunshine (both 20) but the sun was beautiful.

Anyway after a period of time of me and chris hoofing the ball each end of the park to each other showing our passing attributes some kids came and sat behind us. "Can we get the ball" Came the shout when the ball went astray. "yeah sure" it was always such strife getting the ball from nettles we thought so let the kids do it.. And after much time of them watching their confidence grew. "Can we play" Came a shout.. "nah mate we dont want to hurt you as we are hoofing this ball" (way beyond physical control of a two footer)

Then there grew to 6 of them..and another ask "fancy a match"

Awww i remember the days of us doing the same to older kids.. They acted exactly the same as what we used to..

"yeah okay jumpers for goalposts all you take me and him"

The match went on and the typical shouts of "pass it" "pass it" "pass it"
"your greedy"
As they constantly tried to beat their man which they always failed on as we are 3 times as big.
Typically we were walking it because they wouldn't pass to each other.. it was a team of singles. And the stereotypical comments flew by and we were loving it! "penalty they would shout" Whenever we took the ball..

We told them they should beat us easy, just pass it round us, outnumber us so much, with team work they can hammer us. Kept telling them the same but no. never did.. Typical kids football.. took me down memory lane..
As this carried on for a while until some of them started dropping out, sitting on the ground in a sulk, just because they wernt passing to each other..
Until they all stopped..and went away with no handshakes.. "where you going" I shouted. "Your not going for tea are you?" (as i always remembered only if it was a brilliant match you wouldnt go in at tea time, you would just say you lost track of time)

To the response of my question... "yeah"

Well, it wasnt an epic match to them.. we were gutted..

Ahhhh memories.. And all of those rules, kris, applied..

Especially when i lobbed an advancing keeper from far out.. "over" came the response.. but in typical competitive fashion i wanted to claim it. "that was in, that was a xabi alonso"

"hes rubbish"
Came the responce..
ahhhh

"you will understand how good he is when your older kid"

Cant beat the banter..
What a day for the 20's

(by the way in no measure am i trying to claim a good victory against 10 year olds, but the banter, the stereotypical comments, and just how we used to be.. made it a fantastic game)

21psycho12
18-4-09, 17:14
Me and my mate were at the park the other day to enjoy a good knock around in the beating sunshine (both 20) but the sun was beautiful.

Anyway after a period of time of me and chris hoofing the ball each end of the park to each other showing our passing attributes some kids came and sat behind us. "Can we get the ball" Came the shout when the ball went astray. "yeah sure" it was always such strife getting the ball from nettles we thought so let the kids do it.. And after much time of them watching their confidence grew. "Can we play" Came a shout.. "nah mate we dont want to hurt you as we are hoofing this ball" (way beyond physical control of a two footer)

Then there grew to 6 of them..and another ask "fancy a match"

Awww i remember the days of us doing the same to older kids.. They acted exactly the same as what we used to..

"yeah okay jumpers for goalposts all you take me and him"

The match went on and the typical shouts of "pass it" "pass it" "pass it"
"your greedy"
As they constantly tried to beat their man which they always failed on as we are 3 times as big.
Typically we were walking it because they wouldn't pass to each other.. it was a team of singles. And the stereotypical comments flew by and we were loving it! "penalty they would shout" Whenever we took the ball..

We told them they should beat us easy, just pass it round us, outnumber us so much, with team work they can hammer us. Kept telling them the same but no. never did.. Typical kids football.. took me down memory lane..
As this carried on for a while until some of them started dropping out, sitting on the ground in a sulk, just because they wernt passing to each other..
Until they all stopped..and went away with no handshakes.. "where you going" I shouted. "Your not going for tea are you?" (as i always remembered only if it was a brilliant match you wouldnt go in at tea time, you would just say you lost track of time)

To the response of my question... "yeah"

Well, it wasnt an epic match to them.. we were gutted..

Ahhhh memories.. And all of those rules, kris, applied..

Especially when i lobbed an advancing keeper from far out.. "over" came the response.. but in typical competitive fashion i wanted to claim it. "that was in, that was a xabi alonso"

"hes rubbish"
Came the responce..
ahhhh

"you will understand how good he is when your older kid"

Cant beat the banter..
What a day for the 20's

(by the way in no measure am i trying to claim a good victory against 10 year olds, but the banter, the stereotypical comments, and just how we used to be.. made it a fantastic game)

i had a game in a park over here in chicago where all these kids i mean like 20 or 30 kids asked to play so i said i will stand in goal and give a WHOLE DOLLAR to the first kid that scores.

you should have seen that mob of kids chasing after the ball, :D they would chase it for like 5 min then the ball eventually coming close to me that id pick it up and belt down the park, the kids were as young as 4 or 5 and the eldest maybe 11 or 12.

in the end i told all the kids that they should let this cute young black kid score, seeing as he was the youngest and toughest.

i say toughest cause wait till u hear this.

cause one of the times when i got the ball i jst hoofed it up as high as i can ( which is usually as high as a tall tree ) only to see where the ball was going to land.

that little kid stood right under the ball watching it come down ( with me yelling at him to get out the ways ) anyways the enevitable happened, he put his head down and the ball smacked him right on top of his head and he went down like a sack of spuds, but never cried :confused: talk about a tough little ****** :D

21psycho12
18-4-09, 20:53
sorry but i have to bring this thread again just so some people who haven't seen it can read it cause the guide is just kwality :D and if i didnt well it's cause i usualy dont but i will hunt yo down kriz and rep yu cause this thread shold bring back alot of memories to alot of people :D

Jonny-Blaze
18-4-09, 22:15
Only had time to dip into this but laugh out loud funny, you should put your hand to something more ambitious like a novel

gregorysladd
18-4-09, 22:22
I once fell out with my best mate coz i scored a goal before he'd finished his dinner. Coz he wasnt on the pitch i said that was his own fault. Kind of a reverse off side.

All day long i got taunted as a cheat. But i stuck to my guns and the goal stood. We won 15 - 6. But my goal was the important one.

That was 25 years ago, dont know how i remember all the details, i just do. It's the strange happenings in life that shape you. But we are still great mates and we still won.

WindyShepherdHenderson
18-11-10, 02:06
^^

SlimPickens
18-11-10, 02:33
That's class. I remember playing with the sponge footballs that slowly fell apart as the games went on, a wet day was particularly hazardous and challenging to even the playground stars. Kicking the ball over into the girl's school next door occurred about once a day, the person in question being bullied incessantly until they got it back. Some kids refused to scale the wall, they suffered the most, some preferred the more stealthy route of sneaking out and going through the other school to find the ball.
One year they astro-turfed over half the playground and surrounded it with a 20 foot high fence. **** got real then, true bravery (and athleticism) was needed to get over that in the small window of time we had whilst another kid distracted the teacher or duty.

Liverdinner
18-11-10, 02:38
I was always the goalscrounger as we called it :D

All the good players were on one team at our school minus maybe 2 who liked the challenge of playing with the fat kids.

GordonBennett
18-11-10, 03:02
We used to say when the ball went high, "it would have been in at the dam", the dam being the local footy pitches near where we lived :D

when we were really young we also had a thing called "speech play", where if you missed a golden opportunity or penalty because someone shouted "ahhh" or something like that just before you kicked it, that wasn't fair so you could take it again!

KingKev75
18-11-10, 08:50
Great thread!! Lauging out loud at this.

Do kids still do this today? Primary school playground football should be on sky sports.

We used to disallow goals if the scorer was 'goalhanging':D
As per the guide it was sorted by the hardmen of the team and usaly resulted in a penalty instead!!!

WhoPlaysInRed
18-11-10, 10:20
Forty years on, I can still feel the agony : "don't pick me last, please don't pick me last........" :crying

Great post! :)

widden
18-11-10, 10:43
these were the good days at the end you would ge t a ridiculous score like 40-30 :D

don't forget the fights afterwards :P:scarf

-Chris-
18-11-10, 10:57
Forty years on, I can still feel the agony : "don't pick me last, please don't pick me last........" :crying

Great post! :)

I don't feel your pain. We had 2 keepers at my primary and i was one of them and thus we were always without exception the 2 team captains. Thats another one you missed. Who picks the player first. Usually denoted with a game of jumpy's.

Ahhh good times. How i miss it. :(

Midophile
18-11-10, 11:16
We werent allowed a football so we had to use a tennis ball. :crying

Sometimes even, dont know how, we used a bottletop.

WhoPlaysInRed
18-11-10, 11:24
When I was in school there could be up to 10 games playing diagonally through each other mixed with half the school yard who were doing their own thing.
Pandemonium.

You'd be standing there, as one of 25 defenders, minding your own business when - BAM!!!! - you'd get smacked in the face by a ball from one of the other games.

And it was always a hard wet ball, too.........

PassionInMyPants
18-11-10, 11:36
We werent allowed a football so we had to use a tennis ball. :crying



Same as in my school although for some reason only the seniors in the last two years seemed to get away with a proper ball.

I tell you what though, years of playing with a Tennis ball meant that people got so good at dribbling and close control that NO ONE WOULD PASS THE FLIPPING BALL!! People were hell bent on walking the ball into the goal "literally"!!

Ahhh, good times :D

Midophile
18-11-10, 11:38
Same as in my school although for some reason only the seniors in the last two years seemed to get away with a proper ball.

I tell you what though, years of playing with a Tennis ball meant that people got so good at dribbling and close control that NO ONE WOULD PASS THE FLIPPING BALL!! People were hell bent on walking the ball into the goal "literally"!!

Ahhh, good times :D

Haha same. It was strange when we got into year 6 of primary and we had our own yard and the use of a football. Some playersdid get greedy and it got ugly. :D

jimmybobo
18-11-10, 14:03
:fishing:fishing
i had a game in a park over here in chicago where all these kids i mean like 20 or 30 kids asked to play so i said i will stand in goal and give a WHOLE DOLLAR to the first kid that scores.

you should have seen that mob of kids chasing after the ball, :D they would chase it for like 5 min then the ball eventually coming close to me that id pick it up and belt down the park, the kids were as young as 4 or 5 and the eldest maybe 11 or 12.

in the end i told all the kids that they should let this cute young black kid score, seeing as he was the youngest and toughest.

i say toughest cause wait till u hear this.

cause one of the times when i got the ball i jst hoofed it up as high as i can ( which is usually as high as a tall tree ) only to see where the ball was going to land.

that little kid stood right under the ball watching it come down ( with me yelling at him to get out the ways ) anyways the enevitable happened, he put his head down and the ball smacked him right on top of his head and he went down like a sack of spuds, but never cried :confused: talk about a tough little ****** :D

Jaysis Psycho, I would like to know why they call you Psycho, is because of your Posts ?

Mapeke
18-11-10, 14:13
Kriz, did you write this?

WindyShepherdHenderson
18-11-10, 14:41
Kriz, did you write this?


Source: Whoever sent me the email.

^^

Mapeke
18-11-10, 14:45
^^
Should've claimed it.

No +7 rep for you.

Klopportunity
18-11-10, 15:47
Brilliant! So very true.

WindyShepherdHenderson
3-6-11, 01:42
^^

Paullfc1976
3-6-11, 01:53
Love this. Oh the good old days, when you'd play football for hours during the summer holidays, after school and at weekends.

Liverdinner
3-6-11, 01:54
Great thread.

Whatever happened to Gerard anyway?

WindyShepherdHenderson
3-6-11, 01:58
Love this. Oh the good old days, when you'd play football for hours during the summer holidays, after school and at weekends.

"Why hasn't India got a team?"

"Cause Indians don't play football!"

"Why's that man?"

"Because of the ball innit!"

"What about it?"

"Well it's made of leather right?"

"Yeah...?"

"So, your Hindu football team consists of 11 blokes trying not to touch the ball!"

Paullfc1976
3-6-11, 02:00
:D



"Why hasn't India got a team?"

"Cause Indians don't play football!"

"Why's that man?"

"Because of the ball innit!"

"What about it?"

"Well it's made of leather right?"

"Yeah...?"

"So, your Hindu football team consists of 11 blokes trying not to touch the ball!"

InsideTheOutside
3-6-11, 02:35
In Primary school, we only had two classes per year so our rivalry with the other class was pretty intense. So much so we never actually spoke to the kids from the other class unless it was to shout at them during a game.

There was this one kid, you know, the urban bully type. Well, whenever one of our players would foul him in THEIR penalty box, he'd insist that he should have a penalty down the other end. :FP:

Those were the days. I was pretty good into my teens but then the hormones kicked in and I became far too lazy for even the smallest movement.

Kloppette
3-6-11, 04:38
This OP made me laugh, I never played at school being a girl, prob wasnt interested at that time either. Was around 11 or 12 when started watching properly and shortly after joining in with my brother for a kickaround in the back garden. Started joining in the with the boys at about 15 but we would play a thing called double cuppies or something like that and it was all about one two's really or just dribbling past everyone. Finally found a team at about 18 that i could play for and stopped at 32 ( 5 years ago ) due to a dodgy knee ( although still play 5 aside ).

Some of the bits in the OP had me laughing out loud though,was hilarious.

red316
3-6-11, 05:21
Simply outstanding. :D

WindyShepherdHenderson
1-5-13, 17:50
The other thread reminded me of this.

Red-And-Proud
1-5-13, 17:58
The other thread reminded me of this.

The LFC ladies thread?

ElPapaDiablo
1-5-13, 18:20
We usually had to play against the school team for what ever year you were in as the PE teacher always had break duty at dinnertime. However we beat them on many occasions so certain players including myself moved in to the school team and dropped out if somebody had a good week on the yard. There was three constants though who used to do a stupid boy band style sexy dance when they scored (all united fans). I remember scoring some scorchers from my holding midfield position and thinking I could be a pro due to my ability to slip an egg shaped ball around the school yard with a certain finesse that my teacher once remarked as a continental style of play (hahahahaha). I miss those days, everything was about getting out and playing football. Break times, lunch times, after school. Come rain or shine there where we were slamming a ball against a wall or playing cuppies and when ever possible a good 11 a side. I miss those days.

WindyShepherdHenderson
1-5-13, 23:36
The LFC ladies thread?

:D

JamesMjolnir
1-5-13, 23:45
We usually had to play against the school team for what ever year you were in as the PE teacher always had break duty at dinnertime. However we beat them on many occasions so certain players including myself moved in to the school team and dropped out if somebody had a good week on the yard. There was three constants though who used to do a stupid boy band style sexy dance when they scored (all united fans). I remember scoring some scorchers from my holding midfield position and thinking I could be a pro due to my ability to slip an egg shaped ball around the school yard with a certain finesse that my teacher once remarked as a continental style of play (hahahahaha). I miss those days, everything was about getting out and playing football. Break times, lunch times, after school. Come rain or shine there where we were slamming a ball against a wall or playing cuppies and when ever possible a good 11 a side. I miss those days.

Ah, the folly of youth...