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The Pun Thread
I love a good pun. So let's have a thread of them.
I'll get things rolling... (I think the 2nd of these might get deleted but hey, worth a pop)...
This mate of mine sells clockwork toys down the market. Effin' wind up merchant.
I got mugged last night by 4 blokes, they just started kicking the hell out of me and took my wallet. I managed to knock one out though. Not sure it was appropriate to have a w*** in that situation but I thought sod it, it could be my last!
Sounds a fun topic, ill be back now, just need to go back one out.
Puns are easy, it should be possible to knock one out in a couple of seconds...
It's not a real pun thread without the pun-isher, SureShanksRedemption, here to defend his honour...
This is true mate, he was the king of puns. I did think of him when I was setting it up.Originally Posted by rutilus
In his honour I am creating a Punnery-related XI. So far I have 6 men and am missing a goalie, 2 midfielders and both strikers. Help would be appreciated.
Grin Johnson Phil Joke-ielka Brede Ha-ha-hangleland Richard Pun
Eric Canton-ha Ryan Giggles
Nobby Smiles
And surely Hilįrio(us) in goal
How did I miss that one?!And surely Hilįrio(us) in goal
Still can't think of a striker. Perhaps somebody from Portsmirth....
Cheery Henry?
That might have to do!Cheery Henry?
On the bench for the moment, but go a chance of a start.
SSR was very good at this.
Of course!
Louis Haha
To many Ha-based ones now tho.
The team so far
Hilario(us)
Grin Johnson Phil Joke-ielka Richard Pun
Eric Canton-ha Ryan Giggles Nobby Smiles
Cheery Henry Louis Haha
Two left!
Defender -> Samuel Kuffour (guffaw)
Midfiled -> Danny Mirthy
You also forgot the manager...
Lafa Benitez (Also our manager's Chinese name)
Need a striker? "I'll Hunt one down" "Roger that"
Top marks Rutilus mate, good work. SSR will be looking down on us and smiling! Loving Danny Mirthy, and Guffaw
I had a maths teacher who used to tell people to "Come on the board!" instead of "Come to the board!"
I suppose that is the direct translation from Macedonian (I live in Macedonia, and the teacher is Macedonian) but it's funny nonetheless.
As a school kid all you can hope for is material like that!I had a maths teacher who used to tell people to "Come on the board!" instead of "Come to the board!"
I suppose that is the direct translation from Macedonian (I live in Macedonia, and the teacher is Macedonian) but it's funny nonetheless.
Barcelona's Lionel Merri springs to mind
Today in Geometry class a student referred to circumscribed circles as 'circumcised circles'. The teacher then said that you can make circumscribed circles but not circumcised circles with a straight face.As a school kid all you can hope for is material like that!
Then, when a girl had to use this big compass (circle-drawing kind) on the chalkboard and was having problems using it the teacher goes...
"Martina, I think you are confused..."
"But teacher, it's my first time with this big one!"
Also, when someone had to give her homework to him, obviously it was good homework, the teacher goes...
"Hmmm, this is what I like..."
Today's was the best Geometry class ever.
And I love the poet E.E. Cummings purely for his name.
I knitted some gloves today. My HANDywork is DARN good!
:embarrassed smiley:
I was driving along a country lane the other day and the owner of the company I work for rang me up. He told me I'd been doing so well that I was promoted to manager with immideate effect, and congratulated me.
I was chuffed, a little surprised but dead happy, and continued on my journey.
10 minutes later I got another call. "It's me again," said the big boss, "I'm in the board meeting and we need somebody to be my second in command. Now I know you're only at manager level but nobody else in the company has the cabability, and we thought heck, you're the man, so how about it. You'd be on £30k more a year and we'll give you all the benefits you can think of!"
"Wow" I said, and of course accepted. I was so shocked I swerved a little on a bend in the lane, but regained composure and carried on through the winding b-roads.
Another 15 minutes passed and then another call from the same guy, "still in the board meeting champ. I'm too long in the tooth for this game. You're the only one on the board of directors with the necessary knowledge to carry it on. I've decided let's take the bull by the horns, you're in charge now my man. I'll get the Financial team to sort out the terms, they'll give you whatever you need. Go get 'em kid!"
I was in such shock I didn't judge a bend in properly, went up a verge and crashed into a tree.
When I came round the fire brigade had cut me out of the car, the paramedics had brought me round, and the police asked me to answer a few questions. A bit dazed and I said yes, and that I'd try to help them.
A policeman took me aside and asked, "so sir, could you just take me through what happened?"
"I don't know really," I replied......
....
....
....
...
....
...
..."I just carreered off the road!"
I'll get me coat.
Last edited by SuperSi; 1-3-10 at 17:59.
Never lie to an x-ray technician. They can see right through you.
Know what's the biggest problem with being an atheist is ?
No one to talk to during an orgasm!
I'll keep you posted
What do you call cheese that is not yours? Nacho Cheese.
My wife's an athiest, so she deal's with it be simply screaming out different men's names.
She introduces new ones to the mix from time to time to spice things up a bit.
She was only a Whiskey Maker but he loved her still!
Each time I go down my allotment somebody has come along and put about a ton of new soil on my land. I went there this morning, and again there was another load of soil. I just don't get what's going on...
The plot thickens.
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