I love a good pun. So let's have a thread of them.
I'll get things rolling... (I think the 2nd of these might get deleted but hey, worth a pop)...
This mate of mine sells clockwork toys down the market. Effin' wind up merchant.
I got mugged last night by 4 blokes, they just started kicking the hell out of me and took my wallet. I managed to knock one out though. Not sure it was appropriate to have a w*** in that situation but I thought sod it, it could be my last!