so maybe i am a bit to crazy
As the Christmas holidays approach , Santa gets his sleigh through the MOT and feeds his reindeer. Meanwhile a certain 'red-nosed' occupant in No.3 has took his family off to Japan for a bit of festive frolics. After playing a a game of 'heads & volleys' with some Japanese kids ,the seldom jovial Scot, is now looking forward to experimenting with some of South America's finest exports. Which is certainly not to be sniffed at. Then he will get his kids organised for a 'keepie uppie' game against an Ecuadorian gang known as "Liga de Quito". That is Spanish for the likely to quit . Despite promises to bring a souvenir cup back from his travels, most residents on the street will be happy to see his ugly mug grimacing on the plane back home with his hands empty. His star pupil is also rumoured to be flirting with a Spanish giant again !
Meanwhile back home all is not well with the heads of the household at No.1 and 2 . Both the popular Spanish guy and Big Scol (Gene Hackman's stuntman) have been suffering with a kidney infection. If the French bloke (who is a bit further down the street than he anticipated) goes down with anything kidney related then conspiracy rumours may start.
There have also been murmurs (or should it be merr-merrs) from a long since retired gardener on the street "Muck Lawrinson" or "Red Lawro, Yellow Lawro" as he's known these days. After tasting his first pint a few days ago he completely lost the plot and saw a vision of the God (we take it Robbie Fowler was there). "Yellow Lawro" is quoted as as saying he saw a vision of the Holy Gerrard who did cometh to him and speaketh the words "God moves in Strangeways". Next day the news of this vision could be suppressed no longer and he went public announcing that Robbie would be in prison by the new year. Things became a little twisted by the media and well ...Red Lawro is left looking a bit daft.
Elsewhere it is rumoured our Spanish waiter is ready to adopt one of Happy Harry's kids on the basis that it's time Lennon got to No.1 instead of pussyfooting around playing mind games.
Big Sam - The large rotund guy who looks like ,well just look at yourself in the back of spoon that should do it, has taken some time away from the street after the Magpies stole his nest. But now he is ready to move back at No. 19 after flushing Incey Wincey spider down the spout. The worry is that he will bring so many staff with him there will be no room for the kids to stay...........
And from all the guys on the street to all of you ...have a Happy Xmas!!
No more 'street stories' then ?
Good one FlabbyAlsono.. Rep for you.
Here's hoping we can stay at number 1 for Christmas.
Well it's almost time to open the presents and there has been some last minute shopping done before Woolies finally closes it's doors on the street.
What's going to be in the stockings of our residents ?
The Sour Scot at No.3 already has received a Mug (sorry a Cup) gifted to him from Japan and is also getting gift vouchers from the FA towards any future fines. This way he can feel secure spouting off in the future.
The Frenchman is finding the " give no one else credit" crunch tough and has also whinged at his kids. Apparently they cannot have Cesc for 4 months . His eyesight is now so bad he keeps trying the key in No.3 and No.4 . Luckily the sour Jock and his clan were on a holiday in Japan but the Irish Leprechaun at No.3 was none too pleased and told him all he was getting for Xmas was a Belfast kiss.
Big Scol at No.2 visited the other Sour Scotsman at No.7 last night. Unfortunately one of his kids tried to start a fight with one of the Jock's and was sent home early. Big Scol was none to pleased as there was a rather flat feel to the rest of the evening. He has however decided to let bygones be bygones and given the Gollum lookalike a large crate of bitter . In fact he was so generous there was enough bitter to last him a lifetime.
So to our happy Spaniard at No.1. He has lived a charmed life but has had the last laugh on everyone. He had no intention of accepting the invite to the Frenchman's at No.5. Having lived there once before he could not face going back. So he pretended to have to go in hospital for a serious operation and even got that bloke off Youtube (Charley Farley who does impressions of the Spaniard and his family) to ring the rest of the family up whilst they were round at the Frenchman's telling them how to behave. What a wind up ! The Spaniard is now thinking only of Christmas. He is likely to rotate the meat on the spit but not overdo it as in previous years. He is a lot more concerned with keeping the balance of his dinner this year and will keep some stuffing back. The stuffing will be given to the rough kids from a few house down who are likely to call round on Boxing day.
He may play charades on Boxing Day but will look to control the game. ........
After an increasingly frustrating Christmas the Frenchman is almost at breaking point on the street. The Irish leprechaun at No.4 decided to invite the Frenchman round for Christmas pudding as a peace offering. Despite a few kids sick and one being grounded for the evening the Professor and his gang of immigrants turned up and showed the Irishman up at party games for a good 35 mins. However later on a game of hide and seek caused uproar when the bloke from round the corner (rumoured to be a Mason) was accused of helping the Irishman's kids find their target because they were at home. At one point war between France & the Emerald Isle appeared to be about to breakout when the Irishman celebrating pulling a cracker and coming out tops was accused of cheating by the Frenchman. His landlords are unlikely to evict the Frenchman. But, his diminishing eyesight, and his sly gossip about the other tenants of the street is starting to wear down the local residents.
Meanwhile back from Japan the sour Jock visited the local Britannia Building Society hoping to cash in his yen. His Portuguese kid kept slipping over , whilst the displaced scouse reject kept arguing with the staff. Nonetheless as luck would have it his Bulgarian orphan & the Argentinian gorillaboy sneaked past the queue and cashed in for the Jock just as he was about to check how long he'd been waiting. When anyone else does it it's queue jumping but when the Scotsman does it's the sign of genius...
The local press were wanting to do a story on the Jock's Asian holiday. However he has always been reluctant to speak to them after they spread rumours of his dodgy recruitment policies for lodgers. Anyway they went round to speak to his business partner. He wasn't in either .But apparently where there's no sense there's no Phelan these days.
Big Scol had a quiet afternoon at the bottom of the street and nothing to write home about. The Spanish waiter proudly settling at No.1 had indeed saved the stuffing for the rough kids from the middle of the street. He even got to laugh and joke with Coco the clown ,and play games on his mobile phone, whilst his kids put on a show for his poorer neighbours. Next up is a visit to the black and white house where he has conspired to shoot down JFK.
The visit to the Black and White house nearly became controversial back in the Cyber streets. Apparently the Spanish waiter decided to take his flashy big screen color TV but forgot the remote and manuals at home. The locals were up in arms at his endless tinkering, however, all seemed forgotten once the brilliant picture appeared on screen. So much so even the Black and White lot enjoyed the colorful demonstration.
Onwards and upwards to some business in the China section next.
Elsewhere the Christmas had a somewhat mixed feeling, as the normal shenigans of Christmas seemed to get to some of the occupants on the street.
One of the kids at the bottom of the street got really carried away and had a fight with one of his mates. The landlord was not so overjoyed with the fight and have decided to take action against the 'unstable' kid.
The Sour Jock also had problems to tend to over Christmas as his two most belowed orphans tried every trick in the book to get noticed, but thankfully they failed with their stamping and raised elbows. The only ones who were impressed with this was the authorities, who seem to look elsewhere when the kids of the Sour Jock disbehave.
At No.1 though everything was just jolly and great and the kids and their Master waiter could celebrbate the end 2008 as best in the class!!
It's that time of year again when the 'refurbishment craze' hits the street, and everyone on the street are trying to utdo each other when it comes to new styles to their houses.
So what can we expect this year:
At NO.1 things have certainly gotten quite better recently and there should be no need for massive home improvements. There are speculations though to the Spaniard wanting to bring in some Southern English side panelling to make up for the poor Italian he bought over the summer. There's also several rumours of some 'lost' kids looking to get back in at NO.1, but no one seems to know if the Spaniard will get the backing from Dumb and Dumber and CoCo Plod to bring them back.
BigScol at No.2's also looking to do some refurbishng in the weeks to come, but he might as the Spanish waiter struggle to get the landlords to say yes to any refurbishments.
At No.3 The Sour Jock has been quit quiet as to what his plans for 'refurbishment month' are, but there are rumours that he's looking to bolster his squad of kids with some more Eastern European orphans.
Further down the street The Nutty Professor are trying to lure away one of the Spanish waiter's mosrt priced assets, but he's highly unlikely to succeed, as the kid sems to have old stature back at No. 1.
Elswhere look out for some mad rumours and strange happenings through the whole of 'refurbishment month'.......
Rep to you Zombster & SGBE !!! WE managed to keep this going for most of last season. Thanks for joining in.
Do my best to keep it up in the future as well.
Should maybe be a sticky or it will 'disappear' in the future as well
So the long awaited New Year finally arrived in the Street as well, but not without some serious problems.
At No.1 one of the Spanish waiters most beloved assets had a way to good of a X-Mas evening down the pub and had to be dragged away by the Plod. After almost a day in the cells he was released, and being accused of having attacked a distant relative of the Sour Jock.
At No.2 one of the Afrians in house caused a stirr by attacking some of his fellow boys. This made BigPhil loose his temper and slap the boy with a house arrest and less pocket money in the future.
At no. 3 the Portugese Diver finally seems to be ready to end his campaign to move to sunny Spain by declaring that he 'loves' life with Shreek and the RedNose. He's also getting some new Eastern European kids to play with, which seems to suit him just fine.
The Loonie at No. 4 has once again stirred up some controversy, this time aided by the Tiger, with his shennigans towards the refereeing on the street. This time it seems he's been able, with his 'loony tunes' behaviour, to make the refereeing work for his kids and destroy the fun for the Tiger's kids.
Elswhere the Nutty Professor has once again refused to see the decline his houshold are in at the moment and decided to proclaim that they're still the best of the crop 98% of the time.
Wait for further silly devellopments over the comming weeks.
Come on someone post something here ... what a week it's been!
Well explosions of a very loud nature have been going of in our favourite street.
The drunken Scot has been spouting off paranoia that the local homewatch meetings on the street give him little time to recover from his business trips abroad. This is despite the fact that the meetings were organised well before his foreign excursions were known.
Then completely out of the blue (or was it red) the likeable Spanish Waiter turns up at the local council offices to voice his complaints over the Scotsman.
Below is a transcript of the interview
Council Investigator "What do you make of Jock's behaviour recently?"
Spaniard "I was surprised, but I have to talk about facts because I think it is important."
"I think that he is nervous because we are in his old house at No.1. I have taken some facts so it will be easier to talk about this."
"November 1 Jock was given a banning order when he verbally abused a traffic warden Jeff Winter for checking his tax disc."
"We have started a 'Respect the Jeff' Campaign in our street. And we started with Javier (one of my kids) on 2 yellows. He got his fine. However when one of Jock's kids went smashing his car he blamed it on the wall being too close and that he hadn't taken a corner for a while. Nothing is done".
"Two years ago we were travelling a lot around Europe in the week and then returning home to find lots of community activity organised for us early on a Saturday morning. Jock even turned up at my home a couple of times and mugged me & my kids in broad daylight. But he was mainly allowed to stay home and serve up a Sunday roasting at his place after a business trip abroad in the week. Now he has the cheek to moan about the homewatch meetings."
"Again this is just the facts . He has also been trying to palm off his rubbish on other residents instead of taking it to the tip . Just ask the other Scotsman at No.6 . He has had to take in the Jock's rubbish on a couple of occasions (his kids Phil and Louis confirm this). But when I said I would help him clear his attic of all those Heinz products 2 years ago he gave it away to that charity in Madrid. The same charity he later claimed he wouldn't give a virus to."
"I am not playing games here but maybe we should let Jock go back to his house and organise the homewatch meetings, the kids parties and all the community events on the street. Then he cannot complain. He is the only resident the council let off 'scot' free with anything he or his kids do.If he got Gary Glitter to babysit no one would do anything about it"...
Unfortunately for the Spaniard he then left for the local Britannia Building Society that the Jock had already raided sometime ago. Stupidly he had not checked his wallet and had to return home with nothing.
On getting home he even slipped on the floor whilst preparing an omelette and was left with most of the ingredients dripping from his nose and chin. The local council look unlikely to take any action against Jock who was laughing the other side of his face when he gave Big Scol a spanking round at his place. Apparently other allegations about possessing an offensive scouse foster child and displaying a purple nose in a built up area will also be ignored.
Meanwhile the Gene Hackman lookalike is already being touted star in his own film about his struggles at No.3 called "The Bench Connection"
There may be more news later this week.........Stay Classy
Well it's all erupting again on the street - "Yosser" Hughes in the council house at the bottom end of the street is looking to spend his lottery win by having the world's most expensive Brazilian. It could all end in tears !
And our lovable Spanish waiter is in the news again. Having been a little under the weather he has now turned down a contract to stay on with his American landlords. It seems he is no longer happy for Coco the Clown to be the one who entertains his kids. Meanwhile the sour Jock having spent a Christmas break in Japan is ready to pick the locks to No.1 on the street. The rough kids at No.12 are there trying to stop him........
In other news the Geordie landlord "Duncan Disorderly" has offered JFK an extended stay as he has been unable to sell his black & white striped house. And the other Scotsman on the street has been giving his kids extra helpings of bitter to tank them up ready for a rowdy visit round at No.1 (or it could be No.2) on Monday !
Keep watching for more updates as the week progresses.
In late, late news...........
The Sour Jock has picked the lock and sneaked into No.1 . But he has a Bulgarian orphan to thank.
Big Scol was left sweating when the debt collectors from the Britannia came to visit and almost caused his bridge to fall down.
And the Nutty Professor tamed a few tigers tonight when he took his kids to the zoo.
Well the 2nd sour jock on the street with the homosexual landlord has twice let his Australian stepson raid the Spanish waiter's house in this past 7 days. The Frenchman took his kids out for a day in Wales and came back similarly frustrated. Meanwhile the other Jock invited Happy Harry from the bottom of the street round to his place last night. But then just as he poured the tea he informed Harry that he'll no longer be needing the Cup he was clutching ,and snatched it from him.
In the Uppin' Arms punters have been pondering whether the Spanish waiter is turning into Rolf Harris. The main reason being that he has been drawing an awful lot since Christmas time and asking everyone if they can see what it is yet. There is also rumours that since the Spaniard moved to No.2 on the street a Middle Eastern landlord is looking to snap up the property and re-furbish it. He is unusual in that he owes his wealth to several fast food franchises (unlike most businessmen in the area who made their money from oil). Should he buy a house on the street there is a strong possibility he will also buy the local fish & chip shop around the corner to extend his business interests . Locals have already labelled him the "Hippy, Chippy Sheikh"...
The credit crunch has hit this local community newspaper and seems to have lost most of it's writers too. Is anyone still reading. If not then I will close it down ?
Due to lack of interest
While the scot and his kids were getting ready for a day trip to London, the Spaniard's Urchins stage a late, sneaky break-in to occupy number 1 once more. It was looking unlikely for a while, as many criticised him for not using the right locksmiths to open the doors. Thankfully it turned out alright in the end as the boy wonder popped up at the last minute with the correct tools. The Spaniard's troops are now getting ready to barricade themselves in, and are willing to put up a tough fight. They are hoping for the support from a little Italian in number 8 who may keep the whiskynose and his crew occupied long enough for his own little hammers to nick the keys to number one off them and throw them into the bubblebath....
.... Meanwhile, in other news. Gollum seems to have lost his voice after nicking a cup from the Spaniard in the last minute the other day and the Portuguese Man now at number 4 has been to 'Hull' and back.
In brief news
Local director of education Don Fabio has organised a school trip to Spain for many kids on the street however Stevie at No.1 has called in sick. The sour Scots offensive scouse upstart has also been stopped from going but Hollywood superstar Diddy Becks who now lives in Milan will be travelling for the get together.
The Frenchman went out on Monday and got his Arseshaven.
Our friend Gollum has organised a training day for his kids . They will receive Socks Education at an out of town education centre.
JFK in the black and white house has been taken into hospital. He is not thought to have been assassinated. Although one of his kids suffering from insomnia left firing a few parting shots.
Gene Hackman's lookalike at No.4 after his last film "The Bench Connection" went down well is now looking a lot more worried as "Phil & Deco's Excellent Adventure" has been re-titled "Highway to Hull"
Finally the Spaniard thanked two of his former foster children Peter & David for the gift they presented to him yesterday.
The Russian Landlord at Number 4 has evicted his Brazilian tennant, talk on the street is that the little Italian down the road will be moving in, He will need to change the wallpaper as the house has become very dated in the last couple of years.
In other news
...... the Donkey that lived at the bottom of the street has been turfed out as well by his owner. The situation seems to be that he had resigned himself to a place at the bottom of the stable.
And Gollum joined the ever growing list of residents who now have a Brazilian.
Gene Hackman admits to toughest role yet
American actor Gene Hackman who has fooled the world into believing he is a Brazilian 'soccer' manager for the past decade has now admitted it was his toughest role ever but "..making Frank Lampard believe I was a Brazilian was the easiest bit of acting I've had to do since playing Lex Luthor in Superman". Filming is now over and he can return to his home in California.
The story is believed to be a sequel to "There's Something About Mourinho" and will be called "A Bridge Too Far".
Frank Lampard is currently appearing in "Socks, Pies and Videotape" in the West End
The Irish lad who had not been enjoying the games organised by the Spaniard went back to his old house and joined in the fun and games with the French Professor's house but still found the playing a bit difficult As usual, one of the professor's boys got sent home early and another hurt himself before they could have their oranges at break time . Sadly, the tenant at the black and white house is not enjoying the best of health.
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