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Thread: More Houses Down Our Street

  1. #61  
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    Whilst many of the kids are away on school trips the Russian landlord has already found a new tenant...However the Spaniard, Frenchman, Irish leprechaun, both Scots and Happy Harry are concerned that we will witness lot more "Parking the Gus" outside their houses in the future.

    And in rumours today the Swede who left the street after eviction in the summer ,and has had perhaps one too many Acapulco nights, may be returning to one of the shabbier houses (with a donkey stable) near the bottom of the street. The Spaniards lads turned it over last weekend and it is in a state of disrepair. Whether the Swedish guy will be able to repair the damage is another question. A TV production company are interested in filming the restoration work and depending on how it all turns out they have a couple of working titles -"The Magnificent Sven" or "Sven Behaving Badly".
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  2. #62  
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    The 'Gus' was parked at the Leprechaun's house today as the Dutchman took his kids round for lunch. The Irishman ended up serving omelette after a run of poaching thirteen in a row his eggs were finally beaten today.

    In other news the French Professor was found wanting when his immigrant kids put on a show this afternoon - "Malice 'n Sunderland". He displayed his Arseshaven for over an hour but once again it was a frustrating day as the show came to an unsatisfactory end.

    Meanwhile up at the top of the street Fat Sam took his kids for a look around the old toilet and was unlucky that the sour Scotsman seemed to have weaved a "Web" around him. Despite Sam's lad Rocky finding the Jock's net, Big Sam's fishing around resulted in nothing. The Jock now has a business trip abroad where he will be dealing with an International company . It is headed by the loud-mouthed Portugeezer called the "The Special Needs One" who used to live on the street until his Russian landlord turfed him out.
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    Today the local paper "The Facts" has printed a story alleging there are disagreements between the Spaniard and his American landlords over the terms of his tenancy. It seems that he wants control over the annual budget and how much pocket money he can pay his young urchins. He also wants control of the nursery school (which coincidentally is not to far away from the local Tesco's where Gollum has applied for a job). And finally he no longer wants local rent collector (and children's entertainer),Coco the Clown, to spend all his money in Tie land.

    "The Facts" are also campaigning for the local council to do something about the Jock's favourite kid's behaviour. Specifically the Portuguese actor who has kicked a few other kids in the street recently.

    A council spokesman said that they already have dealt with this and there is a sign at the top of the street for all residents clearly stating "Will Patrons clearly refrain from... Pushing, Acrobatics & Gymnastics, Shouting , Ducking, Heavy Petting , Diving and Smoking". However if people haven't seen it then the council can do little about it. Punters at the local pub "The Uppin' Arms" are believed to be ,well up in arms over the issue.
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  4. #64  
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    Many of the residents have been expanding their horizons with business trips to Spain, Italy and even as far away as Russia this week. The Sour Jock at No.1 had an invite to Italy by former tenant & loudmouth Portugeezer "Speshall Juan". The game of charades played out afterwards was 'disappointing' and no one will be singing, writing a book or making a film about it. However when "Speshall Juan" returns to his former street he is threatening to sprint down the pavement outside the Jocks window just as he did many years ago.

    Meanwhile our favourite Spanish Waiter at No.2 took his kids out for a visit to another Spaniard and former resident who used to live at the bottom of the street. The poker game was great for the Skinny Jewish boy Benny Oon who despite still not being able to grow a full moustache rose above many others to return with the winnings after a tight game of 'Spanish Hold 'em'.

    However that was not story of the day. Apparently rumours persisted all day that the Spaniard was about to give up his job in the restaurant and leave the street for good. He is unhappy with some of the recipes he is being forced to serve and also wants control of the menu. He ,later, confirmed he is to carry on for now . But it is becoming apparent that "Too Many Crooks Spoil the Broth".
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  5. #65  
    ForkHandles is offline Boot Room insider
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    sorry, lost my tumbleweed, thought i saw it blow in here
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  6. #66  
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    Quote Originally Posted by ForkHandles View Post
    sorry, lost my tumbleweed, thought i saw it blow in here
    The recession has meant that many of the writing staff have "Gone with the Wind". ...I still try to earn my beans.
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  7. #67  
    ForkHandles is offline Boot Room insider
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    Quote Originally Posted by FlabbyAlonso View Post
    The recession has meant that many of the writing staff have "Gone with the Wind". ...I still try to earn my beans.
    haha, good luck, maybe i'll read this thread one day
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  8. #68  
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    Quote Originally Posted by ForkHandles View Post
    haha, good luck, maybe i'll read this thread one day


    Back issues are no longer available from last season. You either get this thread or you don't.
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  9. #69  
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    Quote Originally Posted by FlabbyAlonso View Post


    Back issues are no longer available from last season. You either get this thread or you don't.
    Hi Flabby

    Thanks for keeping this going, shame we didn't save the old but hey that's progress.

    I've found it harder to write stuff this year because there is so little to 'defend'. May be we should assault the Spanish Waiter at number 2 for serving food too rich for out palette.

    Keep going mate. I'll endeavour to add some pap at a leter date.

    Shea.
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  10. #70  
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    Quote Originally Posted by shea-shea View Post
    Hi Flabby

    Thanks for keeping this going, shame we didn't save the old but hey that's progress.

    I've found it harder to write stuff this year because there is so little to 'defend'. May be we should assault the Spanish Waiter at number 2 for serving food too rich for out palette.

    Keep going mate. I'll endeavour to add some pap at a leter date.

    Shea.
    The 'old thread' was due to server maintenance ( Iassume one of the mods may be able to clear this up) and anything prior to this season has been lost forever. I really did think of packing this in a few weeks ago. But I think we should at least see the season out now.
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    This morning it seems like the Spanish Waiter will still have his tenancy at No.2, as 'Coco The Clown' is removed as Dumb & Dumber's advisor on tenancy policies.

    Coco had along with the skinny Mr. Dumb been an advocate of getting rid of the Spaniard, but it now seems like they've both lost the power struggle at no.2. The street is also full of rumours that the 'skinny' American nadlord might soon be leaving No.2.

    It's feared though that CoCo are going to take up a leading position within the council and might be able to punish his old 'friends' from there.
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    The fields around the back of the house where the old Scot lives have just. Sen visited by DEFRA after a suspected outbreak of foot and mouth disease amongst the flock
    The old Scottish shepherd is going mental saying it's all a conspiracy and all they need is a drop of Scotch and they will be fine. The RSPS ( royal society doe the prevention of cruelty to sheep) has now got involved and say that giving sheep whisky is cruel anyway. The dour old Scotsman says that they were fine before their trip to Italy and he reckons a certain special Portugeezer may have had something to do with it. The Scotsman was also unhappy thta they came back empty handed from that trip. He says he cannot understand why everybody is bleating about anyway
    Meanwhile at No 2 the Spanish waiter has just brought his charges back from Spain and declared them invigorated after a diet of Anguillas, Rioja and jamon serrano. They also beat up the local bullies in a fight and now have renewed confidence
    In a little aside the Spanish waiter said he was sorry to lose his restaurant manager but admitted that he never liked his choice of ties
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  13. #73  
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    Quote Originally Posted by Demanagain View Post
    The fields around the back of the house where the old Scot lives have just. Sen visited by DEFRA after a suspected outbreak of foot and mouth disease amongst the flock
    The old Scottish shepherd is going mental saying it's all a conspiracy and all they need is a drop of Scotch and they will be fine. The RSPS ( royal society doe the prevention of cruelty to sheep) has now got involved and say that giving sheep whisky is cruel anyway. The dour old Scotsman says that they were fine before their trip to Italy and he reckons a certain special Portugeezer may have had something to do with it. The Scotsman was also unhappy thta they came back empty handed from that trip. He says he cannot understand why everybody is bleating about anyway
    Meanwhile at No 2 the Spanish waiter has just brought his charges back from Spain and declared them invigorated after a diet of Anguillas, Rioja and jamon serrano. They also beat up the local bullies in a fight and now have renewed confidence
    In a little aside the Spanish waiter said he was sorry to lose his restaurant manager but admitted that he never liked his choice of ties
    A bit of rep for you sire ! And thanks again Zombster.

    The news that Coco is leaving for a job in Tieland should not be mocked many tenants on the street were glad when he negotiated a deal with Sky TV for them many years ago but the fostering of an Irish orphan against the Spaniard's wishes may have proved too much....
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    After the visit of Spanish royalty to No.2 ,this week, the Spanish waiter rubbed their noses in the dirt and sent them back to Madrid with their crowns slipping.

    Meanwhile ,24 hours after Comic Relief, the sour Jock showed his own real rednose to match his red face today. Daylight robbery was made at his house. But only because one of the kids left the backdoor open and then failed to restrain the alleged perperators.

    Nice old Roy at No.10 was called as a witness to the local police station saying "Well the wuddy wed noses were out last night and it made me laugh but ********ly Jock is talking a load of wuddy wubbish if he's wemons****ing about the wules on the stweet..."
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  15. #75  
    Jannno is online now LFC Forums Moderator
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    There was jubilation at number three Premier League Street today as the Spanish tenant signed a new tenancy agreement. His new 5-year lease will enable him to continue the renovation of his house, add his new extension and decorate it with more silverware.

    His kids have added to the celebrations by winning plaudits for their efforts in a recent ‘Bob-a-Job week, where they cooked a tea at the old folks home, serving up a meringue mush, and they cleaned out an old toilet in the square which had been stinking the place out.

    The street party had its own entertainment. A pair of Americans danced on the tables singing “Money money money”, and a troupe of contortionist Trolls bent over backwards to convince everybody they were happy as well. The evening’s entertainment was rounded off with local celebrity Gazza74’s ‘final’ rendition of “I Did it My Way”

    Sadly, realising his act was now outdated and inadequate, Coco the Clown was last seen crying into his beer in the corner of the Uppin’ Arms, alongside the Portuguese former tenant of number 2, who was delirious with grief that he had been making public overtures to take over the Spaniard’s house for months, only to see the Spaniard snatch the prize from under his nose yet again.
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    Well what another week on the street. After moaning who had spent most on their kids over the last few years the sour old Jack at number one was embarrassed by his urchins once again down the street at the nice gentleman's known as '*** of the Wovers'. Not only was his ginger haired lad sent home early but the Jock's scouse reprobate was given an ASBO after throwing a missile and then knocking a pole over in ***'s garden. *** was later quoted as having "Wubbed the wed nosed ranker's nose in his wubbish".

    As if things couldn't get any better Happy Harry managed to stop the Gus round at his place leaving things to hot up between the Spanish Waiter in No.2 and the Leprechaun at No.5.

    Well Sunday saw the Irish leprechaun and his kids well and truly roasted this dinnertime. Although the Spaniard's kids looked to be rampant our favourite waiter insisted that he was always controlling the dinner. He had not rotated the places at the table too much. He also ensured that the service stayed compact and between the diners. He now has his eyes set on moving back into No.1 if he can only shift the empty whisky bottles in the doorway and the huge pile of used nappies that the Jock's kids have been getting through recently.
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  17. #77  
    tweepie is offline LFC Forums Moderator
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    Quote Originally Posted by FlabbyAlonso View Post
    Well what another week on the street. After moaning who had spent most on their kids over the last few years the sour old Jack at number one was embarrassed by his urchins once again down the street at the nice gentleman's known as '*** of the Wovers'. Not only was his ginger haired lad sent home early but the Jock's scouse reprobate was given an ASBO after throwing a missile and then knocking a pole over in ***'s garden. *** was later quoted as having "Wubbed the wed nosed ranker's nose in his wubbish".

    As if things couldn't get any better Happy Harry managed to stop the Gus round at his place leaving things to hot up between the Spanish Waiter in No.2 and the Leprechaun at No.5.

    Well Sunday saw the Irish leprechaun and his kids well and truly roasted this dinnertime. Although the Spaniard's kids looked to be rampant our favourite waiter insisted that he was always controlling the dinner. He had not rotated the places at the table too much. He also ensured that the service stayed compact and between the diners. He now has his eyes set on moving back into No.1 if he can only shift the empty whisky bottles in the doorway and the huge pile of used nappies that the Jock's kids have been getting through recently.


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    After returning from trips to various parts of the world most of the kids from the street are now back home. Former kids TV presenter 'Dull Alan' has taken up residency in the black & white striped house as landlord 'Duncan Disorderly' desperately tries not to lose his property on the street. Alas "The Wild Guus" brought his kids round and turned the place over on Saturday afternoon. In the early evening our Spanish friend and his urchins left it late but managed to return home from "*** of the Wovers" with something kosher served up by skinny Jewish boy Benny . *** is claiming that the post in his garden is showing signs of damage but the keys to No.1 on the street have been retrieved (if only for a few hours).

    Meanwhile the Sour Jock was seen purchasing a trolley full of Andrex after realising that his dinnertime visit of the leprechaun may give him diarrhoea !
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    After an interesting couple of weeks on the street over the Easter period things have come to a head. But first a few news briefs :

    * The 'Wild Guus' that flew into the street was nearly cooked on Tuesday by the Spanish Waiter but has rode his luck and will be staying in London ,Barcelona and then maybe Rome before he finally flies back to Russia for the summer.

    * The leprechaun at No.5 is finding life on the street very tough as he sees himself downgrading. From once having keys to No.3 he may even find he won;t be having a holiday in Europe next season.

    * The Tiger fancier who came crashing into the street last August and shaking up the French Professor amongst others is now in danger of being evicted back to Championship estate. Most observers think this is because he refused to let his kids come back in on a cold December day. He left them lost and cold in "Yosser Hughes" garden and refused to get them any Xmas presents.

    * Whilst the Jocks, Wild Guus and the Professor are all down in London the Spaniard had been working hard to ensure things went well at No.2

    The street came to a standstill at 3.06pm on Wednesday as residents, family & friends remembered those that died in a disaster 20 years ago. Gollum came to pay his respects as did many former residents of the street. Words were spoke, songs were sung and tears were shed. at the Spaniard's home. No one walked alone.
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    Which brings us to the latest row on the street.....

    Fat Sam who lives at the bottom of the street went for a meal last weekend at the Spaniard's restaurant. Seething at the fact that his kids didn't do a thing he said whilst there.The Spaniard served him up a weekend roasting. But to get his own back but also needing help of the street bully (Jock at No.1). They studied CCTV pictures of the restaurant for hours on end over a crate of beer (and barrel of single malt for Jock). One week later they then both spoke to the local press to try and humiliate the poor Spaniard.

    First up was Fat Sam.

    "I was a bit disappointed at his action. You can clearly see he is telling the staff to serve no more food and the meal was over . Even though I'd only eaten starter. I've never been so humiliated in my life. All the other residents on the street know my calorie intake but the Spaniard obviously thought I'd eaten enough".

    Then came the Sour Jock

    Not only has he called Gollum a small bloke when everyone can see he is not that small . Arrogance is one thing .His treatment of Sam in the restaurant shows his contempt. I'm surprised you all missed it. Talk about who ate all the Paella ? Sam needs to eat more than just a bowl of soup. He was already weak from not eating a couple of hours before. You can see the Spaniard gesturing to his staff can't you "No more food". It was beyond the Pale Ale

    When questioned over the leaked CCTV footage the Spaniard was quite shocked he said "I was talking to my staff over the fact that Mr Jock was probably coming around later to meet with the 'Fat Sam' in our restaurant. I was merely signalling to my staff to make sure all the alcoholic drinks were locked safely away.

    Meanwhile the French Professor said "I did not see the situation"
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  21. #81  
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    Flabby, great work.
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    I really did think of packing this in
    I'll ban you if you do
    The alpaca ran off with the custard creams
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    An antique 19th century trophy that the Sly Jock had his eyes on ,amongst other trinkets, has been snatched from under his ruddy red nose.

    Entering his kids in a Sunday afternoon talent show to win it. He dis-respected the paying spectators by not entering his Portugese actor, his Welsh magician or his Scouse 'Shrek' impersonator.

    His other kids failed to impress the judges in the audition. Firstly a poor Donald Duck impression was stopped to save further embarrasment .Then what can only be described as his Bulgarian Orphan tickling a ball both led to Jock going out of this years "X- Facup".

    Gollum takes his kids into the final despite previously stating that the main judge "Manc Wiley" was a great fan of the Sour Jock's talents. Fat Sam was not available for comment as he was reported to have been studying footage from a specially set-up 'Gollum cam' for signs of dis-respect whilst enjoying a plate of chips.
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    After the disastrous showing at the audition yesterday, Jock -the- wasp- chewer from No 1 this morning chose to focus on the state of the lawn which he claimed was not up to the standard his kids are used to. This was at odds with the 'daisy cutter ' nature of some of their efforts. Frenchie from No 4 was in agreement despite never having paid much attention to turf previously. Although it was surprisingly quiet from No 3 who are usually quick to show off their lawn expertise and often to be overhead going on about how one man went to mow...
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    More trouble brewing at Number 1, I fear. Jock has been complaining about the council pitches (a bit much considering the Residents Committee has several times had a word about his own lawn), the Park Keepers have complained about that odd hairy child swearing and running across the bowling greens and one of the foreign girls is threatening to go and work in Spain. His American friends haven't visited for a while, can't manage the plane fare apparently. Still, that funny boy who's trying to grow a moustache was seen with a big bunch of flowers so hopefully that'll bring a smile to Jock's face. Unless the pollen is a problem, he did look awfully red-faced in yesterday's sunshine on the family's day trip to the capital. Still, it's the thought that counts.
    The alpaca ran off with the custard creams
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    The Frenchmen came round to the Spaniard's place at No.2 tonight. The Professor could not believe his luck when the Spaniard's back side looked truly fuzzy and unkempt all night next to his Arseshaven . In fact the Spaniard failed to make sure it was covered at any time tonight. His Brazilian looked unimpressive .He must now hope that his former Long Tall Scally 'Peter' can sneak into Jock's place tomorrow ,maybe nip round the back unseen, dip into the pond and sneak something into the back of the net...........

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    Happy Harry sent a couple of his lads round to the Slurred Jock telling them to get in round the back. The Jock let them in & didn't even realise one of them was bent. Then, chewing his way through the day and dismissing Harry's lot, he looked to have won another piece of silverware after it was offered by a 'Webb' pop-up yesterday. One click from his Portugese actor and it was virtually done and dusted (although it has still not been delivered to date).

    The Spaniard was out of town on a "Highway to Hull".....
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  28. #88  
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    Keep it up Flabby.
    I really enjoy reading these.

    Hopefully we'll occupy number one by the end of May and then the reburbishments of the house can begin.

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    The news will be back at the weekend when this reporter has had time to digest the goings on on the street this past week.

    Nasty Joey from the black and white house near the bottom of the street appears to have been suspended from school and 'Dull Alan; is even considering putting him into care. He violently attacked the Spaniard's cultured kid calling him "Shabby" on Sunday afternoon and kicking him into a corner . Joey has previous as they say.

    However the bridge where the Wild Guus has made his home at No.3 appears to have been the scene of a riot tonight after a robbery by a Spanish gang appears to have taken place. This story is still breaking.....please tune in for an update in the next few days .
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    The 'Purple Nose' at No.1 sniffed and sneezed alongside the Broken Nose at No.11 tonight .Until one of them was inevitably snotted. Residency at No.1 is almost assured now until August. There is little more to say unless the French Professor shows his Arseshaven and 'Brown' Phil causes an upset stomach in the next 10 days



    Do any of you want another season of 'News from the Street' ?
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