Anyone got any (sensible) advice?

**cooky26monster** · 5-4-12,16:03

This is a serious thread for once - don't think I've started many of those before. This may not be the best place to ask for advice but what the hell.

My fella's got an appointment at the hospital next week for a biopsy. He's got several moles on his back, one of which has grown and has been discoloured and itchy for a while. Being a bloke, he kept quiet about this until last week, when I made him go to the doctor. They took one look at it and pushed the hospital appointment through - on the NHS - within 3 days, which makes us think it's a pretty serious situation. There's a possibility that it could be skin cancer.

I'm going with him to his appointment on Tuesday. I know it could turn out to be nothing, but I'm worried sick. Obviously I'm keeping quiet about my worries as I need to support him through this. He's clearly very scared but isn't saying anything.

We've been together for 11 years so I know how to deal with him.

Just wondered if anyone had any advice on how to deal with all this.

I know it's probably nothing, but can't stop worrying... and I don't want him to know that.

Heeelp!

**50pHead** · 5-4-12,16:07

No experience myself with dealing with anything like this, one thing I will say tho is think positive, if he sees you doing that it will rub off on him, like you said it could be nothing at all, knowing how supportive you was when I had a few problems you'll be fine, keep the faith and having you there on Tuesday will be a great help for him.

I truly hope everything is fine Sara, I'll be thinking of you and your fella on Tuesday.

**RogerHuntelaar** · 5-4-12,16:08

I once thought I might have cancer too. Can't forget how relieved I was when the doctor told me it was nothing. (I had a lump above my testicle. Or am I getting too personal now?)

From the basic knowledge I have about the subject is that skin cancer is relatively easy to cure, maybe that helps?

Hope you're not too worried and also that it is nothing after all.

**Liverdinner** · 5-4-12,16:08

Just try and keep calm.

I once got this swelling around my groin which I feared was a hernia or maybe even cancerous and it turned out to be very mild (admittedly it was shingles but it barely affected me).

Best of luck.

**Matt-CM** · 5-4-12,16:10

It's natural to worry so me or anyone else telling you not to won't help.

However, don't worry! (

)) Seriously, he's now seen someone and the professionals will now get on with doing what they do every day. Neither of you can influence things any more than you already have, so worrying won't help.

Neither will bottling it up, but that doesn't stop us blokes! He may not want to open up to you but he may want to open up to someone. Maybe you could let him know that if/when he does want to talk you're there and leave it at that. If he's being open about this it could be that he'd sooner talk to his mate than his girl, but maybe not.

Finally, I'd avoid the urge to play Dr but take comfort in the fantastic statistics on these conditions now. There's a very good chance it's benign and even if malignant its not neccesarily so bad. I used to live down under and there's plenty of healthy people with the odd scar from melanoma removal.

**MiraclesArePossible** · 5-4-12,16:12

Originally Posted by RogerHuntelaar

I once thought I might have cancer too. Can't forget how relieved I was when the doctor told me it was nothing. (I had a lump above my testicle. Or am I getting too personal now?)
.

Mate, it was probably your penis.

**50pHead** · 5-4-12,16:14

Originally Posted by MiraclesArePossible

Mate, it was probably your penis.

That's on his head.

**RogerHuntelaar** · 5-4-12,16:14

Originally Posted by MiraclesArePossible

Mate, it was probably your penis.

You're forcing me to go into details here...

It "floated" just above my testicle in my sack. Turned out to be clogged up moist. He had a name for it too, I forgot what it was called.

**MiraclesArePossible** · 5-4-12,16:16

Originally Posted by RogerHuntelaar

You're forcing me to go into details here...

It "floated" just above my testicle in my sack. Turned out to be clogged up moist. He had a name for it too, I forgot what it was called.

I'm not sure whether you got the joke but in any case I'm glad your balls are okay. Good luck to you too, Sara, I really hope you and your fella are alright and that this will all be nothing to worry about.

**-FordCoutinho-** · 5-4-12,16:16

Originally Posted by RogerHuntelaar

You're forcing me to go into details here...

It "floated" just above my testicle in my sack. Turned out to be clogged up moist. He had a name for it too, I forgot what it was called.

I bet that was a load off your mind

**Liverpoolforme** · 5-4-12,16:17

No point worrying about the worst until it's confirmed.

Just relax and try not to worry.

I appreciate that is easier said than done.

**cooky26monster** · 5-4-12,16:18

Thanks for the advice folks, much appreciated.

RogerHuntelaar - it wasn't too much info, don't worry. I'm 34 years old and am quite used to dealing with men's bits. (Now, that probably WAS too much info on my part.

)

Glad to hear it turned out to be okay for those of you who have had problems.

My boy is Australian originally, he's very pale skinned and used to go out in the sun as a kid all the time, so now bizarrely he is blaming himself. I keep talking him out of this but he's not really at his most logical, obviously.

He's not telling his family until we find out anything concrete, so it's just between the two of us at the moment. I just want to try and help him as much as I can. Annoyingly I know there's bog all I can do other than be there when he needs me and just be nice to him! Wish I could do more.

Thanks again for the good wishes. Hopefully I'm worrying about nothing.

**lfcstlouis** · 5-4-12,16:20

Originally Posted by RogerHuntelaar

I once thought I might have cancer too. Can't forget how relieved I was when the doctor told me it was nothing. (I had a lump above my testicle. Or am I getting too personal now?)

From the basic knowledge I have about the subject is that skin cancer is relatively easy to cure, maybe that helps?

Hope you're not too worried and also that it is nothing after all.

pics?

**MiraclesArePossible** · 5-4-12,16:21

Originally Posted by lfcstlouis

pics?

Or it didn't happen.

**-tattybojangles-** · 5-4-12,16:23

My dad had a really nasty mole on his face which turned out to be cancer. They lopped it off and it was absolutely fine.

Try not to worry

**RogerHuntelaar** · 5-4-12,16:25

Originally Posted by lfcstlouis

pics?

The guy who negged you? It was me.

**ItaloCalvino** · 5-4-12,16:25

From my own experience i would just try and keep things as normal as possible, i know from experience how some people can act a bit strange in this situation as my father didn't want to tell me at all, i can understand why he didn't considering at the time it didn't seem a serious situation. I would say just being your normal self and try not to dwell on it too much was how my mum dealt with the situation. It seemed that if he wanted to talk about it he did and when he didn't it wasn't pushed.

It's great that he is getting checked out and i'm sure it will be nothing either way just be the person you have been and everything will be great.

**Matt-CM** · 5-4-12,16:27

Originally Posted by saragreen

My boy is Australian originally, he's very pale skinned and used to go out in the sun as a kid all the time, so now bizarrely he is blaming himself. I keep talking him out of this but he's not really at his most logical, obviously.

You soon notice in Oz the increased UV that comes from the lack of ozone layer. They're a LOT better now at prevention than they were when your fella was young. Not his fault in the slightest.

34 years old and am quite used to dealing with men's bits.

I'll go easy on you but this is golden custom title material

**RogerHuntelaar** · 5-4-12,16:29

Originally Posted by saragreen

Thanks for the advice folks, much appreciated.

RogerHuntelaar - it wasn't too much info, don't worry. I'm 34 years old and am quite used to dealing with men's bits. (Now, that probably WAS too much info on my part.

)

Glad to hear it turned out to be okay for those of you who have had problems.

My boy is Australian originally, he's very pale skinned and used to go out in the sun as a kid all the time, so now bizarrely he is blaming himself. I keep talking him out of this but he's not really at his most logical, obviously.

He's not telling his family until we find out anything concrete, so it's just between the two of us at the moment. I just want to try and help him as much as I can. Annoyingly I know there's bog all I can do other than be there when he needs me and just be nice to him! Wish I could do more.

Thanks again for the good wishes. Hopefully I'm worrying about nothing.

Hehe, nah, I expected nothing else. A girl like you must attact a lot of men.

On-topic: It's a very frustrating situation to be in, because you are completely helpless, yet it's on your mind constantly, because that's just what you do. There is a problem with you, so you want to do something about it. I guess there nothing you can do but wait until you get the results and hope for the best, as bad as it sounds.

**grenny158** · 5-4-12,16:30

It's natural to worry, sara, and, like Matt said, no-one telling you not to will stop you. The truth is you that can do nothing to alter the situation until after you get the results of the biopsy.

A quick question: Does your boyfriend have a history of skin cancer in his family? If the answer is no, it cuts the chances of it being cancer considerably.

As someone else alluded to, if it is in fact a melanoma (skin cancer) and it is caught early, the prognosis will in all likelihood be very good - and it is most certainly treatable, with good results.

Guys tend to clam up at times like this, for fear of being seen as a wimp, especially by their partners - so, if he is doing that, it is perfectly normal. All you can do is support him and try to keep him as upbeat as possible. The fear of the unknown is always a prevalent feeling at times like this, but I like to think of FEAR as False Expectation Appearing Real, which hopefully is the case.

Thoughts and good wishes are with you and your boyfriend, sara.

**cravenz** · 5-4-12,16:30

Hope everything gets settled and all will be well.

Originally Posted by saragreen

My boy is Australian originally, he's very pale skinned and used to go out in the sun as a kid all the time, so now bizarrely he is blaming himself. I keep talking him out of this but he's not really at his most logical, obviously.

Hmm...well...Australia has the largest rip in the ozone layer if I'm not wrong, and consequently, a high incidence of skin cancer

But he's been away from the country for some time. Plus, it may be nothing at all

**cooky26monster** · 5-4-12,16:36

Originally Posted by Matt-CM

You soon notice in Oz the increased UV that comes from the lack of ozone layer. They're a LOT better now at prevention than they were when your fella was young. Not his fault in the slightest.

I'll go easy on you but this is golden custom title material

Thought I'd best not go into detail as it might lead to a ban!

Thanks again folks. I appreciate the kind words.

**Look-Ass-Levi** · 5-4-12,16:43

Dont worry at all untill you get results. Im a massive worrier myself. I had a biopsy done from my insides, and i was wrecked with worry, turned out normal. Also, they asked me to take part in an aids test as they were doing some sort of survey on everyone that week, i accepted but even worried about that even though i knew i didn't have it.

There are always other things it could be, so don't worry. Even if it is bad news, science has come a long way. News that shocked me the other day was that a person with HIV now has a longer life span than someone with diabetes.

Keep your heads up and try your best to get plenty of sleep and not worry until there is something to worry about.

**cooky26monster** · 5-4-12,16:59

Originally Posted by grenny158

A quick question: Does your boyfriend have a history of skin cancer in his family? If the answer is no, it cuts the chances of it being cancer considerably.

No he doesn't, thankfully. Various other forms of cancer, but not skin cancer.

DarthRallo0o - glad to hear you were okay too.

I was kind of expecting everyone to avoid this thread. You've all been fantastic. Cheers everyone.

**Paullfc1976** · 5-4-12,17:03

It's a worry, but you'll have to keep positive and not let him worry too much; easier said than down I know, but best trying to keep his mind off it. Hopefully it's nothing. Finger crossed for your fella.

**RedManannan** · 5-4-12,17:06

I had a mole removed from my back last year. Of course it's nerve wracking waiting for the results but I guess my advice to you and anyone else reading this is to not hang around if you're unsure and crack on and get it looked at. He's doing the right thing and if it needs to be whipped off so be it. Just do it I guess. Good luck! He'll be fine I'm sure.

YNWA.

**Stim** · 5-4-12,18:19

Support,positivity and trying to remain as calm & normal as is possible will give great comfort for your Boyfriend,Sara. He has top experts taking care of him,and you nagged him to go to the Doctors early too. Just try to deal with things together at one step at a time and keep things in perspective,as naturally worrying as it is,it's important to remember that he's in the best care and has so many aspects in his favour of being just fine,also just do what you've done during all those years you've been together,be Sara. Try not to worry,it's all in your favour.

My heartfelt best wishes for your Boyfriend and Yourself.

**angelYNWA** · 5-4-12,18:25

only advice i can give is to be there for him like you have been upto now,

Keep calm and carry on, good luck

YNWA

**cooky26monster** · 5-4-12,18:49

Originally Posted by Stim

Support,positivity and trying to remain as calm & normal as is possible will give great comfort for your Boyfriend,Sara. He has top experts taking care of him,and you nagged him to go to the Doctors early too. Just try to deal with things together at one step at a time and keep things in perspective,as naturally worrying as it is,it's important to remember that he's in the best care and has so many aspects in his favour of being just fine,also just do what you've done during all those years you've been together,be Sara. Try not to worry,it's all in your favour.

My heartfelt best wishes for your Boyfriend and Yourself.

I didn't nag him, I don't believe in such things. I simply pointed out he should make a doc's appointment and as usual, I was right.

Thanks very much for the advice though. You lot are ace.

**50pHead** · 5-4-12,18:52

Keep us informed and if you need/want to chat just send us a message.

The advice so far in this thread as been great, its heart warming knowing so many care, really helped me when I was down in the dumps.

Thread: Anyone got any (sensible) advice?

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